So, funny story, when I got dressed to go on a day trip to Bern, I put a long shimmery dress on over a black t-shirt and my boyfriend looked at me aghast. He was definitely embarrassed by what the style tornado had inflicted upon me and on further consideration, I think it did help that he stopped me in my avant-garde tracks and told me that it ‘just isn’t working’. I have never dressed for the opposite sex and from my experience that usually means something tight or short (or both) and a stark absence of red lipstick, because apparently, according to several polls and asking around, men don’t like that on a first date.
Well really, who cares? You and I both know that we can wear all the Charlotte Tilbury rouge we want on our lips and all the kooky bits that we impulse buy, just like they can own more tracksuit bottoms than sports jackets if they so choose. I’ll stop there at the risk of generalising and at worst, being sexist, because this isn’t where I want to go with this. In fact, it’s kind of the reverse.
I find it quite odd that when men comment on my look, it’s usually constructive or complimentary, whereas girls are much harder to get a positive reaction from. You either have to wait until they’re drunk out of their logical minds in the bathroom of a nightclub, where you’ll get all the self-esteem boosts you’ll ever need for a month, or wait until you’ve wooed them with your outstanding personality and they’ve become your good friend.
So why is it that way? I’d hate to put it down to something as simplistic and ignorant as ‘competitiveness’. I’ve found that quite often that the girls that I know don’t deal with compliments too well. They’re a little self conscious, as all of us can be, and they would rather take on a criticism personally than be affected by a flattering comment. Are we searching for something ‘real’ that we can only find in our flaws instead of collecting those little bits of shiny, precious kindness and building a comfortable nest from it?
I totally understand why women don’t take compliments seriously because a lot of the time, things are said for the sake of it, rather than being from a genuine place. But at the end of it all, we only accept what we think we are worthy of and while we aren’t all precious snowflakes because let’s face it, some of us can be assholes sometimes, we can remember that nice thing that lady at the shop said about our jumper. Or maybe think back about the girl standing at the station platform that stared at our shoes in admiration. Whatever nugget of sweetness we find in the day, bring it home with you because there’s just too much hate readily available, and we all deserve better.
Miu Miu glasses